Sorry no more

I quipped to my uncle last week that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.  This is an often used phrase in certain professions or parts of society and I always thought it was funny but today it means something different to me. 
Today a friend asked me to do them a favor.  I respect said friend (not saying I don't respect the other 1,327 people who have asked me this same favor) and intend to honor the request.  I was asked to stop using three words.  I am sorry.  So, you heard it here first, folks.  It's a plan.  A goal.  A desire of mine to quit apologizing.  It's about a decade long issue and my dear husband gave up on changing it in me a long time ago.  I apologized for something pretty major today and was forgiven.  What a gift.  I am pretty sure this faith project and AA have something in common...although I am still having wine after dinner.  At least until next Tuesday.  It's going to take that or a 2x4 over my head to get me through this coming week.  Pray much?  Seriously.  It is only as I type and the sarcasm comes up on the screen that I realize my flawed sense of control over everything.  Seriously.  Ding, Jennie....arriving. 

My current wallowing songs of choice are Faith Hill and Tim McGraw singing I Need You, Taylor Swift singing Tim McGraw, Sting and Sheryl Crow with Always on your side, and Bryan Adams bringing in the wallow train with Have you ever really loved a woman?.  Gross.  Right?  And I'm not sorry.  I like those songs and when I just need a good cry, heck yeah, they do it for me.  I really shouldn't need too much added wallowness since I got a shot in my toosh this morning and sitting here is driving me crazy.  My youngest asked if the nurse could "do that again!"  Trouble.  Anyway, wallow I do and sometimes it is unhealthy, but today I just need a few more hours of it and then I will move on.  Again, totally not sorry. 

Back to what I was really trying to share...
I think that if you need to ask for forgiveness, then by all means, do it!  We all make mistakes and the good Lord knows, I do as much as the next gal.  Thing is, I don't need to apologize for everything I say, do and think and if I do, then maybe I have some introspection to hop on.  Some soul searching.  Otherwise, I should be going to God for the big stuff...asking Him to forgive me.  Granted, I will need to do some of that today too...
What I am really saying (I know, you might be thinking "finaaaaallly") is we shouldn't apologize for living.  It is a huge symptom of insecurity to feel the constant need to be sorry for breathing...and seeing how God is healing that part of me, I'm pretty sure I can stop with that ridiculous habit.  Breathing is pretty important and I'm going to do it.  If anyone thinks I need to apologize for that...they can take a hike.  (and I mean that in the nicest way possible...but nope, still not sorry)
So, looks like a pretty clean slate this afternoon.  Everything major is dealt with, iTunes has moved on to a little Dave Matthews and I am getting the feeling back in my legs from all that kneeling I did earlier in prayer.  Not to sound cocky, but I am pretty AWESOME.  God made me that way.  Guess what?  He made you that way too.  Now accept it and move on with breathing.  Like I said, it's pretty important stuff. 

Nehemiah 8:10

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”